Depressed

Ever look at someones fb profile & they're so pretty, it depresses you? Yea, that'll usually happen to people with low self esteem but the ironic part is that iam not one to have low self esteem... I wish I was that pretty. Like I wonder what its gonna take for me to feel pretty and good about myself PERMANENTLY. Idk its like every since I graduated high school, ive been discovering,learning & questioning more things about myself in an attempt to grow up and know myself well. I like some of it & I dont like some of it... Then again, it could just be the fact that my period is due in 2 days & my emotions are getting the best of me...which would be pretty valid.

Then, I feel like I have no friends & idk how it got that way. I thought 'maybe its bc of hector not liking me going to clubs/bars without him & thats all girls my age do now' or maybe its simply that people just dont frekin like me for no frekin reason. But at the end of all that, it may just be me keeping the friends that I do have at a safe distance bc of how many times ive been screwed over, deceived, and tricked by so-called friends. I dont branch out socially as much as I could bc of that & bc when ur a girl/young woman with a bf and/or husband, fiancee, etc. you have to be superrr careful about who you let close to you. Bc the female race these days are ruthless, scandalous, & actually take joy in stabbing you in the back thus hurting you. Im jus not up for that, you know?
Not only bc I dont enjoy being hurt but bc once they decide they want/desire/have a crush on etc. YOUR MAN, thats a wrap. U might as well just hang it up rigjt then & there bc she'll be trying to inch her way closer and closer to ur man then you'll have one of those situations where 'oh, my bf/husband & my best friend get along so well, yay!' Then you'll be looking through his phone for a number or something & low & behold find a text convo between ur man & that so called friend that if the shoe wad on the other foot, she'd be shitting her pants... But let her tell it, its no big deal. Pshh. Pleeease! Spare me. Thats the like hot storyline these days and I want nooo part in that.

So yeah, I think thats why I keep my distance as far as friends go. Irs a little sad, I know. But idk what else to do... Im gonna go to counsling for that & many more issues I need a professional helping hand in dealing with.

Anyways, happy sunday :) got some grilled cheese to make.

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