as if i don't already have enough problems -_-
to add to the doubts about my husbands 'past' & the whole jennifer thing... this happens... my mom calls asking if im ok & asking if im sure if im ok. i told her that iam & asked why. she said it was bc of a bad dream she had about me. ok, thats legit for a mom to worry about... then she starts talking & asking about certain posts & pictures that are on my facebook, like IN DEPTH DETAILS. so she was like literally stalking all through my page. really mom? ily but if anybody asked you about me, they would think i was some trashy, high functioning alcoholic. she looks @ a couple of posts about me wanting a margarita or a post of me venting about some idiot & there she goes with this hugeee assumption of me & how im living. idk, that just aggravated me bc i was already struggling with a few things.
a few things meaning me coming to the conclusion that im still pissed about what that girl jennifer did & how i want to confront her. im gonna call her, hear what she has to say then tear her a new one for pulling that crap. then i was thinking...'ok, i admitted to my husband that i cheated on him before we were even engaged & while i was in high school. everyone said that i shouldnt have said anything bc that didnt need to be said bc that was before we were husband & wife. sooo, he could have veryyy well done the same to me but he if he did, he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut about it.' which upsets me bc now i feel like a fool bc i will never know what he was up to back then. i can be looking in the face of a girl who hes messed around with at school or work or wherever & neverrrrr know! ughh! see what im dealing with? i almost feel cheated/ dooped/ bamboozled. it sucks.
what am i supposed to do? divorce him & move back home? im not gonna lie, i think about that sometimes. i mean why should i give up myyyy best years to him when i thought enough of him to tell him what i did wrong but he doesnt even get the slightest urge to do the same for me. im not gonna lie... i dont like him sometimes. like i see through him & behind the whole upstanding normal guy thing,hes sneakier than ive ever been. sneaky, sneaky, shady boy. i can see that, i really can & it makes me sick. i see so much about him that i do not like so why dont i just leave him? idk "( maybe im too comfortable with him.. maybe im scared... idk. but i do know i picture my life without him in it sometimes, like a daydream. i guess that sounds real bad, huh? i know it does but that unfortunately how i feel. but bc of how things are back in my hometown i think 'oh maybe its meant for me to be here in houston, at least until i graduate college...' but again, idk.
well, im gonna start getting ready for work. i hope yall are having a better day than iam & sorry for the super gloomy post, thats just how i feel.
peace guys ")
No comments:
Post a Comment